Bumper Stickers
To tickle your
funnybone, here is a collection of humurous BUMPER
STICKERS gathered from the web. If you
have a favorite of your own, EMAIL it to me and I'll place it at the top of this very long
list. Enjoy!
A conscience is what hurts when all
your other parts feel so good.
Bills travel through the mail at twice
the speed of checks.
If you think nobody cares about you,
try missing a couple of payments.
You never really learn to swear until
you learn to drive!
I intend to live forever - so far, so
good.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different
fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It
was unfamiliar territory.
Those who live by the sword get shot
by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a
parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean
would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Pardon my driving; I'm
reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you
noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is fool-proof to a
sufficiently talented fool.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without
enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get
sucked into jet engines.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but
she left me before we met.
I drive way too fast to worry about
cholesterol.
I love defenseless animals, especially
in a good gravy.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you
have to buy her friends?
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And
Illegal In 37 States.
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams
stuff is made of.
Support bacteria - they're the only
culture some people have.
The only substitute for good manners
is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy
all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you
got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get
until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal
and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Never do card tricks for the group you
play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a
mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and
failure in full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the more
of your body is required on it.
The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the ability to reach it.
To succeed in politics, it is often
necessary to rise above your principles.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
A fool and his money are soon
partying.
The sooner you fall behind, the more
time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign
of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable....except from
vending machines.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest. And be proud
of it!
How many of you believe in
telekinesis? Raise my hands....
Get a new car for your spouse----it'll
be a great trade!
Drugs may lead to nowhere... but at
least it's the scenic route.
Everybody repeat after me....."We
are all individuals."
OK, EVERYBODY! Let's
repeat the non-conformist oath:
I promise to be different!
I promise to be unique!
I promise NOT to repeat things other people say!
Death to all fanatics!
Love may be blind, but marriage is a
real eye-opener.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a
woman scorned.
Hard work pays off in the future.
Laziness pays off now.
Borrow money from pessimists---they
don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below
average.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a
bad name.
If at first you don't succeed, then
skydiving definitely isn't for you.
24 HOURS IN A DAY -- 24 BEERS IN A
CASE, COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT!
It's hard to make a comeback when you
haven't been anywhere.
When you do a good deed, get a
receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
The latest survey shows that three out
of four people make up 75% of the population.
When blondes have more fun, do they
know it?
What happens if you get scared half to
death twice?
We have enough youth.... How about a
fountain of "Smart"?
Good Health is merely the slowest
possible rate at which one can die.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN ....Cops
have nothing to go on.
Four out of five people think the
fifth is an idiot.
They call it "PMS" because
"Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
Will work for food. Will beg for sex.
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